That's so sad...

A Quick Tip from Dr. Charles Fey of Love & Logic
"Help them focus on how their decisions affect them…not you."

It's tempting to say, "This really makes me mad!" when our kids make poor decisions. A more effective strategy involves empathizing, "This is so sad. I bet it hurts having to deal with these consequences. I love you.

When a 9 year old Annie wouldn't go to bed on time, and dragged in the morning often cutting it close being late for school her Mom implemented this very thing. The conversation went something like this:

Annie: At 9:30, a half hour past her bed time, "Mommy I'm ready for you to come tuck me in now."

Mom: Proving a point and already in her bed, "Oh I'm sorry Annie I'm already in bed. Maybe tomorrow you'll to go bed before I do".

Annie: But Mom!! I need you to tuck me into bed.

Mom: That's so sad Annie, I know you love me tucking you in your bed but you just weren't ready when you were supposed to be.

Annie: Crying now, "Mommy I NEED you to come tuck me in"

Mom: I'm sorry you're sad Annie maybe tomorrow night you'll make a better decision.

Annie: Crying and crying, "But moooooommmmy"

Mom: Goodnight Annie, I love you.

Annie has gone to bed on time since then.

When we focus on how their decisions determine the outcome - they change the way they make decisions. Thanks Dr. Fey!

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

The reflection in the mirror is not you. Have you ever thought about that? It is merely a reflection of you. It shows a part of you, specifically the outside and more specifically the outside part that is facing the mirror. That IS part of you, but only a small part...even that it shows it in reverse.

Your friends reflect you too. You can tell a person by the company they keep. Change the company you keep, and you change the person you are over time.

Do not confuse your reflections with you, but DO make sure to leave the best reflections possible, because those reflections will show important parts of you!

Welcome back!

Wow, instead of saying I am sorry for taking so long to post more uplifting thoughts I'm going to go with Man I'm glad it didn't take me a whole year to do it!

Things have been a little crazy in my world but I'm starting a new resolution or 20 - let's see if I can keep up with them! :) Happy New Year everyone!

Don't forget to be grateful.

Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.
Fyodor Dostoevsky

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
Frederick Keonig

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
Marcel Proust

One of the simplest and quickest ways to turn a negative and sour mood into a more positive one is to be grateful.

A few things you can feel gratitude for are for instance: The sunshine and the weather. Your roof. Your health. A good TV-show, a movie or a song. Your friends, family, co-workers and just about anyone walking down the street.

Just try if for a minute and see how it changes how you feel. And it’s a win/win solution. You feel great because you are grateful about your world and the people you are grateful for feel great too because they feel appreciated. So don´t forget about gratitude or you may forget about the happiness that is already in your life!

Parents are SO smart!

Believe it or not, it’s possible to train your kids to appreciate how smart you are. All it takes is a little nerve on your part. Look for opportunities to do this as often as possible. The more you repeat the process, the more your kids will marvel at both your wisdom and your ability to know ahead of time what's going to happen.

Start out by corralling your tendencies to say, "Don’t do that!" This tempting phrase only results in kids thinking, "My parents worry too much. Nothing bad will happen." Kids who hear, "Don’t do that," consider it a challenge, not good advice.

Step One:
Avoid the natural tendency to order your child to do the right thing. Say these words instead, "Oh, I don’t think I’d do that." Kids always listen best when the parent’s words are soft and kind.

Step Two:
Describe the possible consequences that might befall you, not the child. For example, "Oh, I don’t think I’d go out there and mouth off to people who are bigger than me. If I did that, I might really take a beating."

Step Three:
Resist all temptations to warn or remind. Remember that bumps and bruises heal quickly. They also hurt the parent more than they do the child. Chances are the neighborhood kids will be more than willing to provide both training and natural consequences. Guaranteed, these kids will not use warnings and lectures to get the job done.

This is probably the most difficult step for some parents. It means having to override natural loving instincts to protect and defend our young. This natural instinct was given to us to use in life and death situations. Try not to confuse these times with those in which life’s important lessons can be learned.

Kids learn best through their mistakes and consequences. Experience, not lectures and warnings, develop strong people. Those who are protected from struggles and mistakes as youngsters have a much more difficult life as adults. Often, in our zeal to make our kids happy, we actually steal away their opportunities to grow into happy, productive adults.

Step Four:
Know that your youngster may mouth off to those bigger kids anyway. The odds are good the other kids will provide an immediate lesson. More than likely, it will happen just like you described in step two. POW!

At this minute, a flash of recognition will surge through your child’s brain. "Wow! This is exactly what mom/dad said would happen. She/he must really be smart!" When kids develop these kinds of thoughts, they remember them forever.

Step Five:
Now is the time for a hug and genuine empathy. It’s the perfect chance for you to be the good guy. "Oh, no. Look what happened. That’s exactly what happens to me when I mouth off to bigger people. Let’s get you cleaned up. I’ll bet you could use a hug." This empathy locks in the learning. Look for opportunities for kids to learn in this way, and you will become smarter in their eyes with each new experience.

News

What is on the TV news today? It is one of the thousands of people who volunteered today in the city? Is it that everything that went right, functions smoothly and that served a purpose? What makes us so interested in bad news? What makes good news so unappealing?

Just wondering.

If you were to be on the news tonight - what would you want them to highlight from your day? This reminds me of song I learned as a kid, "Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need? Have I cheered up the sad, made someone feel glad, if not I have failed indeed?"

Take a few moments and create good news in your world today!

Happiness

Tips to make today the happiest day ever!

* Turn off the TV and Computer
* Find someone to help
* Smile a little wider
* Call someone you miss
* Exercise
* Refuse, absolutely refuse to argue
* Take a moment to just be happy in your skin

Make it a great day!