That's so sad...

A Quick Tip from Dr. Charles Fey of Love & Logic
"Help them focus on how their decisions affect them…not you."

It's tempting to say, "This really makes me mad!" when our kids make poor decisions. A more effective strategy involves empathizing, "This is so sad. I bet it hurts having to deal with these consequences. I love you.

When a 9 year old Annie wouldn't go to bed on time, and dragged in the morning often cutting it close being late for school her Mom implemented this very thing. The conversation went something like this:

Annie: At 9:30, a half hour past her bed time, "Mommy I'm ready for you to come tuck me in now."

Mom: Proving a point and already in her bed, "Oh I'm sorry Annie I'm already in bed. Maybe tomorrow you'll to go bed before I do".

Annie: But Mom!! I need you to tuck me into bed.

Mom: That's so sad Annie, I know you love me tucking you in your bed but you just weren't ready when you were supposed to be.

Annie: Crying now, "Mommy I NEED you to come tuck me in"

Mom: I'm sorry you're sad Annie maybe tomorrow night you'll make a better decision.

Annie: Crying and crying, "But moooooommmmy"

Mom: Goodnight Annie, I love you.

Annie has gone to bed on time since then.

When we focus on how their decisions determine the outcome - they change the way they make decisions. Thanks Dr. Fey!